This list is about the Best Humorous Historical Quotes. We will try our best so that you understand this list Best Humorous Historical Quotes. I hope you like this list Best Humorous Historical Quotes. So lets begin:
Quick Info about: Best Humorous Historical Quotes
Whether it’s a play on words, a funny comment on everyday things, or old witty words, comedy has a way of making us realize that we all go through the same things in this crazy life. These funny quotes about work, love, friends, and family will have you saying, “So true!” because then it is. Others will make you remember funny and memorable moments from movies and television.
Take a much-needed break from your day to check out these are the best historical excerpts found in comedies, books, plays, Twitter, and celebrity interviews, as well as movies and TV shows, that are sure to make you laugh fast. .
Here is the list of the best humorous historical quotes
- “My advice to you is to get married: if you find a good wife you will be happy; if not, you will become a philosopher.” – Socrates
- “If you want to be sure you’ll never forget your wife’s birthday, try forgetting it once.” – Aldo Cammarota
- “Never criticize the faults of your spouse; If it wasn’t for them, your partner could have found someone better than you.” – Jay Trachman
- “Halloween is the start of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the Christmas shopping season for men is Christmas Eve. David Letterman
- “Instead of remarrying, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.” – Rod Stewart
- “Adults always ask children what they want to be when they grow up because they are looking for ideas.” – paula stone
- “A perfect father is a person with excellent parenting theories and no real children.” – David Barry
- “Just be good and kind to your children. They are not only the future of the world, they are the ones who can sign you a home”. – dennis miller
- “Before you criticize someone, you must walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” – jack handey
- “When I was a kid, my parents moved around a lot, but I always found them.” – Rodney Dangerfield
- “When your mom asks you, ‘Do you want some advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” erma bombeck
- “I want my children to have all the things that I couldn’t afford. So I want to move in with them.” – Phyllis Diller
- “It seems like I’ve spent a lifetime mechanically articulating, ‘Say thanks. Sit straight. Use your napkin. He closes his mouth when you chew. Don’t lean back in your chair. Just when I finally got my husband straightened out, the kids came.” – erma bombeck
- “There are two kinds of travel: first class and with children.” Robert Benchley
- “When your children are teenagers, it is important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.” nora ephron
- “Before you marry a person, you must first have them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” Will Ferrell
- “When your mom asks you, ‘Do you want some advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway. – erma bombeck
- “If dogs could talk, it would be so much fun to have one.” – Andres A. Rooney
- “If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido just two.” – phil pastoret
- “Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t have eight cats pull a sled through the snow.” – Jeff Valdez
- “To maintain a well-balanced perspective, the person who has a dog that adores him must also have a cat that ignores him.” – Peterborough Examiner, Canada
- “The statistics on sanity are that one in four Americans suffers from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they’re okay, then it’s you. – Rita Mae Brown
- “Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.'” – Anonymous
- “I walk as if everything is fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is slipping.” Anonymous
- “Someone asked me, if I was stranded on a desert island, what book would I take: ‘How to build a ship'”.- steven wright
- “The holy passion of friendship is of such a sweet, constant, loyal, and abiding nature that it will last a lifetime, if not asked to lend money.” – Mark Twain
- “The Bible tells us to love our neighbor, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.” – Chesterton
- “If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.” – dorothy parker
- “People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I’ve always thought that if you have enough money, you can make a key.” Juana Rios
- “Anyone who tells you money can’t buy happiness never had it.” – Samuel L Jackson
- “You know you’ve reached middle age when your doctor warns you to slow down, instead of the police.” Juana Rios
- “Marriage is like a tense, unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, but it’s not 22 minutes long. It lasts forever.”- Pete (Paul Rudd), Pregnant
- “Being a mother means never buying the right amount of products. Either suddenly everyone loves grapes and eats a week’s worth in one afternoon, or fruit flies congregate around my rotten bananas.” Lessons from the minivan
- “I saw a study that said that speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means that for the average person, if he had to be at a funeral, he would rather be in the casket than give the eulogy.” jerry seinfield
- “Don’t go around saying that the world owes you its life. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. – Mark Twain
- “A college education is one of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.” william lowe bryan
- “In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.” fran lebowitz
- “The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” Lucille’s Ball
- “You are only young once. After that, you have to think of some other excuse.” billy arthur
- “A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never fall for a bargain.” – Graham Norton
- “When I’m in social situations, I always hold on to my glass. It makes me feel comfortable and safe and I don’t have to shake hands.” – Larry (Larry David), Control your enthusiasm
- “Does anyone else mind that the ‘Los Angeles de Los Angeles’ baseball team translates directly to ‘Los Angeles de Los Angeles’?” –Neil DeGrasse Tyson
- “A gossip is a person who creates the smoke in which other people assume there is fire.” – Dan Bennett
- “It’s much easier to suggest solutions when you don’t know too much about the problem.” malcolm forbes
- “Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you have nothing to worry about. That always worries me!” CharlieBrown
- “When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, ‘Four. I don’t think she can eat eight of me.’” Yogi Berra
- “Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.” David Barry
- “All the things I like to do are immoral, illegal or fattening.” alexander woolcott
- “The only time you see some guys with their wives is after they’ve been charged.” – Relative Hubbard
- “If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they would not have declared their independence from it.” Stephen Colbert
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