Grant us health, safety and Joaquin Phoenix – Deadline

Grant us health, safety and Joaquin Phoenix – Deadline

Dear Lord, whoever and wherever You may be, We humbly beg that Sunday’s Oscar show may come off without a hitch, which would a first, but it can’t hurt to ask.

More particularly, we pray that the many nominees and hangers-on who are flying here from around the globe will have observed their 10-day quarantine in strictest isolation, with no thought of slipping out for a pedicure or cocktails on Sunset. We don’t want to spread any Movieland variants. Let someone be funny (and not wholly consumed by the show’s Covid-safe narrative). These films are very dour.

We implore you, Dear Lord, let the show be brief. One hour was too much for the SAG Awards. Can the Oscars survive a minute over three? Let no one mention Georgia voting laws. Hold that fight for Monday morning, after we’ve dealt with the ratings.

Let the authorities secure Union Station, whatever complications that may cause on surrounding streets, never mind the police over-time budget. Please, Lord, let the Derek Chauvin jury deliberate for a while. We’ll have enough drama without an Oscar-week verdict.

Amen. But please, Lord, in Your infinite wisdom and mercy, grant Joaquin Phoenix a waiver from any time limits. I could listen to him talk about baby cows and his own scoundrel behavior forever and ever.


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